If you’re a carer, you might need help too

Caring for another person can be incredibly rewarding, but it can also be demanding, taking a toll on your own physical and emotional wellbeing.

Carers often focus wholly on the person they’re caring for, setting their own needs and problems aside, but it’s important to recognise how you’re feeling too, and when you need to ask for help.

Many people routinely look after someone else without realising that it makes them a ‘carer’, especially if the person they look after is a spouse or other family member. If you routinely help another person in their day-to-day life and that person would struggle to cope without the help you give, then you’re probably a ‘carer’. It’s not about being paid for the care you give.

The definition of ‘care’ is very broad and could include:

• helping out with jobs around the home, such as cleaning or laundry
• providing food or preparing meals for someone
• taking them to medical or other appointments
• making sure they have enough medication and take it on time
• helping them to get washed or dressed, or use the toilet
• helping them attend social activities or keep in touch with family and friends

If the person you look after is your husband, wife or life partner, you are still their carer, and it could be a full-time commitment. However, the person could also be a more distant family member, friend or neighbour who you care for on a less frequent basis. If you’re regularly travelling to care for someone else – perhaps an elderly relative – it can put extra strain on you. Making the repeated journey there and back is tiring, time-consuming and financially draining. 

The first step is often to realise that you are a ‘carer’ for someone else, and as a carer you might need and be entitled to some help yourself. The kind of help available will vary depending on where you live, but it could include:

• an official assessment of the unpaid care you’re providing and what kind of support you might need to keep doing it
• training to help you be a more confident and effective carer
• financial help, to help cover the cost of what you’re spending to provide care
• home adaptations, mobility equipment, disability aids or technology such as a medical alarm to help in your care
• advice about other practical help or benefits you or the person you care for may be entitled to
• respite care, so that you can take a break from time to time knowing someone else will perform your caring duties.

The really important thing is that you reach out for help. If you’re an unpaid carer and nobody in authority knows about it, then it’s unlikely you’ll get the help you need and are entitled to. One of the first things to do is speak to your own doctor – make sure they know you’re a carer and ask them to make a note of it on your medical records. Your doctor may also be able to direct you to other carers’ resources in your area.

Another thing to do is harness the power of the internet. Carry out an online search for ‘carer resources’ or ‘help for carers’ in your area. If you find it difficult to use a computer, ask someone with more computer skills to help you. After all, you’re caring for someone so you deserve a little help too, right?

You’ll probably come across charities or other organisations dedicated to providing help and support for carers. These are usually goldmines of advice and information. They’re helping carers like you all the time, so what might seem daunting or confusing to you is probably stuff they do every day and know inside out. Examples in the UK are Carers UK and Carers Trust. You’ll also find lots more advice and information on the NHS website by clicking here.

The vital thing is that you must reach out for help before caring for someone else takes too heavy a toll on you. Don’t soldier on thinking you can manage on your own. If you hit a health or emotional crisis, the person you care for will lose their carer and you’ll need care too.